


Lost & bound

by hjertetssunnegalskap (Crazyheart)



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: 75 Dates In The Skam Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bonding, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Long Live Feedback Comment Project, Lovers to Friends to Lovers, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Non-Linear Narrative, Not really fake dating but Even doesn't know that they're not really a couple?, Oblivious Even Bech Næsheim, Oblivious Isak Valtersen, Telepathic Sex, Temporary Amnesia, Time Skips, emotional bond, empathetic sex, mental bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-09-23 07:40:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20336521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazyheart/pseuds/hjertetssunnegalskap
Summary: Even has been in a bicycle accident and he has lost his memory of the past three years. However, Isak gets a shock when Even tells him that they’re bonded soulmates, and expects them to be a couple.





	Lost & bound

**Author's Note:**

> So. I wanted to write a fic for the prompt "bicycle date" for the 75 dates in the Skam Universe fic and art fest... and then... this happened. An Isak and Even love story with perhaps a little too many tropes. I hope you forgive that, and like it. I sure loved writing it! The story is beta read by @evakuality, thank you, you've been amazing!!! 
> 
> I guess I don't need to say much more, it should be properly tagged. :) Oh, I could mention that the last part has a slightly different POV, I hope it's not too confusing. I can also mention that I painted the fanart for this thing, and I might paint another (and happier) one if and when I get more time. Enjoy!

###  **1\. Isak: Now (August 2019)**

“What’s the date and year?” the doctor asks, looking at Even with a piercing gaze. 

Isak just stands there next to the hospital bed, nervous and agitated, with his eyes on Even as well. Even looks small in the big, white bed. Vulnerable. He has dark rings under his eyes, and bandages plaster his forehead. Cuts and bruises decorate his face. He looks too thin. Fragile. And Isak thinks. He thinks, Even looks so beautiful. Beautiful and alive.

_ He’s alive. _

Isak has been so afraid. He knows it’s not really his business to worry. He probably shouldn’t even be here. But they’re friends and he was there during the accident and he can’t leave (just the thought of leaving makes something churn in his stomach). Besides, Even’s mom has asked him to stay. 

_ He’s alive, he’s alive, he’s alive. _

Isak can’t believe that he almost lost Even. Just the thought makes him nauseated. 

All because of that stupid bike ride. He should have known it was a bad idea.  _ Fuck _ . 

Isak didn’t really want to go biking in the first place. But Even had asked him to come, and when has Isak ever managed to say no to him? Deep down, he might even have had a small hope that it would be like something intimate. Almost like a date. Isak knew he was a fool, secretly wanting Even for years, but he couldn’t help wanting to just spend time with Even, every chance he got.

The trip started out great. They were cycling and talking and laughing and teasing each other.

But then.  _ The car. _

The moment between when Even pushed past him and the car hit him, was one Isak was wincing about over and over - reliving that precious second before everything... stopped. The fear had almost brought him to the point of blacking out. He can’t remember calling for help, but he remembers the ambulance, and Even lying pale, not answering him. Feeling like he wasn’t  _ there _ .

For a moment, Isak thought he had lost him, and it had filled him with a terror that he never has felt, not before and not later.

_ Even is alive, though _ . And he’s here. And finally awake.

It’s such a relief. Just being close to Even fills him with a warmth he can’t really explain. It’s like… who knows what it’s like, but it’s maybe a reaction after the accident. 

The doctor looks bored, more than anything else, as he’s waiting for Even’s answer. And Even seems pretty fine. A little pale and beat up, but fine. He has been out of it for a couple of days, though. That can’t be good. 

“I think… November 2nd 2016,” Even answers. He lifts his arm and brushes his hand through his hair. “I feel just fine. Can we go soon?”

“Repeat the date and year, please,” the doctor says. She stares at Even with a strict gaze. 

Isak’s hardly hearing the conversation but the doctor’s question gives him pause. Not because the doctor ignores Even’s request, but there’s something tense about her that Isak notices at once. He’s been visiting at the hospital for a couple of days now, and he has learned to recognize her reactions.  _ And, wait.  _ Today’s date…

“November 2nd 2016,” Even repeats, his tone calm, but he looks quickly at Isak, and it’s like he picks up that something is wrong, too. “We just had Halloween. And I was going to see you today. And tell you that… Sonja and I are taking a break.”

Isak’s heart starts to beat faster. He straightens up and he and the doctor exchange a glance. Even’s mom makes a strangled sound. Isak glances at his phone, as if he needs to make sure. It says August 30th 2019. 

_ Three years. _

Isak meets the doctor’s gaze again. 

“Fuck.”

###  **2\. Isak: 4 years ago (Spring, 2015)**

Isak is still 15 when he thinks he has found his soulmate. They have known each other for years, but something changes. Isak can finally feel a connection that he has never felt before.

_ His soulmate. _ He’s handsome, funny and kind. Smart, too. His dark curls look soft and he always seems so cool and sexy, and he hugs Isak real tight sometimes and makes Isak feel warm all over. They _ have to  _ be soulmates.

They hang together all the time and Isak feels so happy. He has finally found his soulmate, the quest is over.

That summer, the summer he turns 16, he learns that they aren’t soulmates at all, when Jonas declares that he and Eva have gotten together.  _ They’re _ soulmates, he says. He’s  _ in love _ . Isak loses his cool a little. He withdraws. Then he dates Sara for a while, but it doesn’t help. They break up before they start up at Nissen in the autumn. 

Going to Nissen isn’t too bad. Eva and Jonas have a relationship that seems to be determined to break, though, they’re constantly making drama. So Isak decides that it can’t hurt if he tells someone about Eva kissing someone else. 

It  _ can  _ hurt, apparently (he knows that, he’s just so annoyed and tired that he doesn’t care, not yet, anyway). 

Everything falls apart, and Isak realises that he cares, after all, and he feels like the shittiest friend ever. 

And then Isak’s father leaves his mom, claiming that he’s found a new soulmate. His mom is broken. Sick.

One late evening, Isak is sitting in the hospital with his eyes fixed on the wall. Well, it’s not really the hospital, it’s the psychiatric ward.

There’s a guy sitting next to him for a little while. A really cute guy. Tall. Blue eyes. A little restless. He feels very  _ right _ , for some reason. Almost comforting, like a big teddy bear, or a guardian angel. His name is Even. But then someone drags guardian angel Even away, and it feels like something is ripped out of Isak’s chest. So Isak stares at the wall, and all he can see is his mom’s pale, scared face, and he doesn’t know how to handle all of this. He wants to just… disappear. 

Then Jonas rushes in. He hugs Isak tight, just like he always does, but it doesn’t matter, not like it used to. Isak is shaking. 

_ Everything has fallen apart.  _

“It’s because of the soulmates,” Isak repeats, over and over again. “I hate it. I never want to meet my soulmate. I hate everything about bonding.” 

###  **3\. Even: Now (August, 2019)**

Even is confused. Everything hurts and his head is bandaged, and it feels like his thoughts are in syrup. His mom cries a lot, but Even can’t really take it in right now. 

It’s all too much.

The doctor tells him that he’s been in an accident, something with a bicycle ride. It reminds Even of (21:21) that time he rode with Isak sitting on the back of his bike. When they kissed in the pool. It’s weird how it feels like it happened just a few days ago, at the same time as it feels like a faraway dream. Maybe because of his memory loss. 

He has amnesia. He can’t remember the accident at all. He has lost three years (that’s not a good number, not at all). He’s 22 (that number is not too bad, evens things out). He’s not in school anymore. It’s not even November, it’s August. Apart from that, he knows nothing. Does he have a job? A place to live?

Even knows one thing, though; he’s connected to Isak somehow. He can feel the bond stretching between them like a warm cord. It’s not just that he can  _ see  _ the way Isak is afraid and worried, when he crosses his arms in front of him. Even can feel it, too. 

He wonders if Isak feels the connection too, now. Some people feel their soulmates stronger than others, and Isak never talked about it earlier. But this bond is stronger than the feeling Even used to have before. 

“How do we fix this?” Isak asks the doctor. He sounds almost cross, but Even can feel the worry behind his words.

“I’m afraid we can’t really  _ fix  _ retrograde amnesia like this,” the doctor says. 

“No?” Isak almost shouts. ”What do we do, then?”

Even’s mom is there, and she puts her hand on his shoulder. “Yes. What do we do?”

“We wait,” the doctor says, smiling at Even. ”We haven’t found structural damage to the brain, and you seem to be doing great, apart from this memory loss.” 

No brain damage. Well, that’s a relief.

“You’re just a little beat up, and traumatized,” the doctor continues. “We’ll keep you here for observation for a day or two, and then you can go home.”

”Home.” Even wonders if home means back with his parents, or his own flat, or maybe he lives with Isak? 

His heart races by the thought. He feels like he’s been pining for Isak forever (maybe he has, he really knows nothing about their story). 

Isak looks at him. “Even, do you remember who I am?”

Even meets his gaze and suddenly he understands why the bond feels different. If the bond is what he thinks it is, he should be used to being with Isak by now. They should be a couple. That’s such a weird thought.

“Yeah, of course,” Even answers, studying Isak’s face. Christ, he looks good. Green eyes. Golden hair. “You look older, though. You have… some scruff. I don’t get how I didn’t notice that earlier.” 

Isak stares at Even and shakes his head. “Amnesia. Fuck, Even. I thought it was just some made up thing from TV shows. Of course, this would happen to you.”

“I’m sorry, Isak,” Even says, softly, looking back. Now that he knows they have this bond between them, he doesn’t hold back his feelings. In his last memory of Isak, he was infatuated, curious. Now… this feels like love.

Isak blinks, as if he’s taken aback by Even’s stare. “You don’t have to be. It’s just weird. Three years of your life is totally gone, right?”

_ Ugh, that number.  _ He needs to take it away. 

“Yeah. I’m 22 now.”

Isak swallows. “So the last time you saw me was…”

“In kollektivet, yeah.” Even bites his lip, smiles. They had been kissing. Smoking weed. Talking about movies, and alternate universes. It had felt like a dream. 

Even gives Isak a private look. Intimate. He reaches for Isak’s hand. “I’m just sorry, Isak. I know that we have a bond, and I can feel it, but I don’t remember how we bonded. I’m sure I’ll remember it all soon, though.” 

Isak just stares at him.

###  **4\. Even: 4 years ago (December, 2015)**

Even is still 18 years old when he meets Isak for the first time, at the psychiatric ward at the hospital. He’s there for a checkup because he’s been a little more than hyper lately, and his parents are worried. 

That night, the ward is more busy than usual, everyone are running everywhere, the phone is always ringing, and  Even is lightheaded and confused, but reality is starting to crash back, and… He knows he has fucked up, big time. He has kissed his best friend and done some strange things and… he doesn’t want to think about it.

Even notices the other boy, sitting there, looking alone and sad. Even knows he’s supposed to sit still, but it’s like he’s drawn towards the guy. He goes over and takes the chair next to him. 

“Are you here to visit someone, too?” the boy asks, and Even just hums an answer. He’s beautiful. And distraught. “I’m here to see my mum. She’s really not doing well. It’s my dad’s fault. He’s an asshole.”

Even doesn’t comment on that, because his thoughts are spinning and he doesn’t know if he ever would manage to stop, if he starts to talk. So Even just sits next to the golden haired boy.

“Everything’s fucked up,” the boy sighs.

Even nods. He can agree with that. Everything is pretty fucked up. He just wishes he could do or say something to help this boy feel better. 

”They know what they’re doing here, though” he says, in the end. It’s just impossible to hold back. ”That’s what dad says, anyway.”

The golden haired boy finally looks at him. Green eyes. Long lashes.  _ Damn.  _ He really looks good. And there’s something very sad, and very beautiful at the same time, in his eyes. 

“Hi. I’m Isak,” he says.

“Even.”

They exchange a half smile. Isak’s about to say something, when Even’s father comes and drags Even out,  apologizing to Isak on behalf of his son.

Even feels it then, something stretching between them. It feels like an anchor, holding him back. This boy is his soulmate.

His father doesn’t notice. ”Even, I told you a thousand times to sit still and wait!”

Even tries to ignore that his dad treats him as a child. “But, dad! He’s my soulmate!” 

His dad looks at him, and Even can see that he doesn’t believe him. “Last week you thought it was Sonja, Even. Then you talked about Mikael. And you’re not quite yourself, right now.”

“But…”

“Look, Even. Something really bad happened to someone in that boy’s family… So please, don’t go bother him, okay?”

Even nods. But as soon as his dad leaves the room, he goes back, wanting to hug Isak, the golden boy with the green eyes, and tell him that everything will be okay. But when he reaches the waiting room, he sees Isak hugging another boy with dark curls, repeating “I hate it. I never want to meet my soulmate. I hate everything about bonding,” over and over again.

###  **5\. Isak: Now (August, 2019)**

_ I don’t remember how we bonded.  _

It knocks the air out of Isak. _ They’re bonded? _

He knows, distantly, that everybody’s staring at them, but he cannot move, especially when Even takes his hand, and holds his eyes. 

And it’s closer than they’ve been in a long time, except of course for— 

“Isak. I am really sorry.” Even’s voice is so warm. He lifts his chin to ask for a kiss.

Isak swallows through a dry throat, and says nothing. And still, the pull between them is impossible to resist. He leans closer and answers Even’s request with a soft kiss.

How could he not? 

Because it feels amazing. 

_ Right.  _

_ Amazingly right.  _

Even’s lips are warm, and soft, and Isak could probably stay here for the rest of his life, provided that Even stays too, and keeps looking at him like that, and kisses him, and—

“What makes you think that you have bonded with Isak, Even?” the doctor asks, apparently deciding to ask the question after clearing her throat about three times does not seem to do the trick. 

Isak draws back. Yeah, he wonders about that, too. He can feel it too, now, something that he’s never really noticed before the accident, like a warmth when he’s close to Even. Something that pulls him closer.  And there’s a new weight at the back of his mind.  Is this really a bond, though?  He tugs at the presence of Even in his mind, jumping when Even makes a sound of surprise.

“Uhm. Sorry. Just testing,” Isak mutters.  _ Wow. Shit. _

Even has never given Isak a hint about any bond between them before, though. They are just friends. Well, they have their  _ history _ , of course. A pretty tragic one.

After their first stumbly romance three years ago, Even just left, back to Sonja. It broke Isak’s heart, really. And then Even somehow became a part of their friend group, and Isak tried to forget his feelings, and… they became friends. Just friends. 

Actually, they were just friends for a long time. And then… things were a little complicated for a moment, again. Isak shakes the thought away. 

Shit, this is wild. Isak didn’t even know that he had a soulmate ( _ oh, but he had wondered, and wished for it, more than once _ ). And now Even says they are  _ bonded _ ? Not just that they’re soulmates, but they  _ bonded _ ?

Even cocks his head. “Why  _ wouldn’t  _ I know about the bond?” he asks. “I feel the mental connection, of course. I’ve felt it since I woke up.”

Isak’s legs shake, and he needs to sit. “Of course,” he mutters. 

###  **6\. Isak: 3 years ago (August 2016)**

Isak is 16 when he sees Even at Hartvig Nissen. There’s something familiar about him, but Isak can’t place it. That is, he has this feeling, deep in his bones, that Even is  _ his _ (like they’re soulmates). He doesn’t quite dare to believe it, though.

He’s been down that road before, pining for his best friend. He won’t do that again.

Even is hot, though. Tall. And he has this swagger that makes Isak weak. And his eyes seem to shine whenever they meet Isak’s eyes.

He’s everything Isak thought he never would like. A hipster and movie nerd from Bakka. 

He’s kinda dorky, too. 

And still, Isak falls quicker for Even than he has fallen for anyone, ever before. They share weed and eat cheese toasties, and banter and laugh and kiss in a pool and everything is like a dream. 

In hindsight, he should have known it would end poorly.

They’re lying in Isak’s bed and Even fingers a fold of the sheets under them. Isak has troubles looking away from his fingers. 

_ Distracting _ . Even can be so distracting, sometimes. The things he says and does. The way he moves.

They are lying in bed, talking about movies, and Isak must struggle to focus. 

“What’s the point of tragedies, anyway?” he mutters. “They only make people feel like shit.”

Is that an eye-roll? “Well, maybe that’s the point?” Even protests. “Maybe we’re supposed to watch the misery of others and sympathize.” Even turns to watch him. His eyes glitter. “Wait, you’re just saying that to provoke me, aren’t you?! You’re a softie, I’m sure tragedies make you cry.”

_ They do. _

“Sure. You know me so well, already, Even.” Luckily, Even doesn’t know exactly how well. Isak grins and hoists himself up until he’s standing, his shadow blanketing Even. “What am I thinking right now?”

Even mulls it over for a moment. “You want to eat.”

Isak can feel his grin spread wide. Not exactly what was on his mind, but… good guess. “Excellent idea, Even. Let’s do it.” 

He offers Even his right hand. Not that Even needs help standing, but... Isak just loves touching him, and being close. 

Even looks at Isak’s hand for a second longer than he probably should, the corners of his eyes creased. And then Even reaches with own hand and takes Isak’s, and  _ that _ .

That’s the moment Isak knows he’s already madly, hopelessly in love. 

They kiss, and hold each other, and Isak feels so happy. He has finally found what he’s been searching for. 

A couple of days later, Even tells him that he and Sonja are taking a break, and Isak is so hopeful.  _ This is it _ , he thinks. But then Even sends a text, saying he needs time. He goes back to Sonja. 

Isak’s hope breaks and falls apart. 

That’s that, then.  _ Like a fucking tragedy. _

###  **7\. Even: Now (August, 2019)**

Even stays a couple of days in the hospital for observation. Isak visits him every day, and they fall into a calm ease together. Even takes his chance to hold Isak’s hand as often as he can, and to kiss him, too. It’s nice.  He prods curiously at Isak’s mind when he’s allowed. There’s a give when Isak allows him to dip in, and it’s easy to rustle around the topmost layer of Isak’s thoughts. There are no words there, just sensations, and although Even can’t parse all of them yet, he can clearly see some of Isak’s feelings. Then there’s a tingling sensation when Even feels Isak probing at him.

Most of the time, they keep their minds to themselves, though. It’s probably best with the memory loss and all. 

Even wonders if it’s weird for Isak, that Even can’t remember a thing from the last few years. But when he asks, Isak just shrugs. “It’s fine.” He pauses for a moment. “At least you remember me.”

One sunny afternoon, Even asks Isak about some of the things he has lost during the time of the black hole in his mind. Isak is sitting in the chair next to the bed, leafing through a book someone left him. 

Even has so many questions. Like, how well do they know each other? Has Even told Isak his secrets? His fears? He decides to start out with some lighter things first.

“Do I have a job?” he asks. 

Isak shrugs, putting the book away. “Yeah, sure. You’re studying, but you do have an evening job.”

“KB?” 

“Yeah.”

“And I manage to do both?” 

The thought is a little daunting.

Isak smiles, and it lights up his whole face. “Most of the time. You’ve been talking about focusing on the studies, lately, though. You wanna become a teacher.” 

“Wow.” Even has a faint feeling of having travelled to the future. It feels strange. “What about you?” 

Isak meets his gaze. “I spent a year in Trondheim, but decided to come back and take the rest in Oslo. I missed… I wanted to be close to my family and stuff. And my mom.” 

“Oh.” Even pauses, as he remembers that Isak moved out pretty early. ”I got the impression that you aren’t too close to your family?” 

Isak blushes. “Yeah, well. Things change.”

Even nods, slowly. This feels important for some reason, but he doesn’t know why. “So. What else can you tell me?”

Isak shifts a little. “The doctor said I shouldn’t talk too much about things that could stress you out. But how in the world am I supposed to know what stresses you out?”

“You’re my soulmate, Isak,” Even smiles, fondly. “You know.”

“Right.” Isak swallows, and Even can feel how he tentatively searches their bond again. “Still. I don’t really know what to tell you.”

“I trust you, Isak.”

Isak stares at him. Then he takes a deep breath. “I should tell you -” 

He’s stopped by the nurse entering the room, taking a blood sample from Even. And then Isak is told to come back later, and Even never figures out what Isak felt he needed to tell him. 

They say goodbye, kissing softly. It’s weird how Even never gets used to it. Isak’s lips are so warm, and his embrace so strong. It feels so new, in a way. New and familiar at the same time. 

Then Even is alone. 

He feels a little restless, and he wonders what Isak was about to tell him. Even has felt that something has been bothering Isak, but he hasn’t been able to pick up what. 

God, it’s boring here, and it seems impossible to just calm down. He goes up and down the corridors, just to kill time. Then he spots a boy, dribbling a football. Even pauses and stares at him, not knowing exactly why. And suddenly he sees Isak in front of him, in a blue sweater and shorts, dribbling, and then he  _ remembers _ . 

###  **8\. Even: 3 years ago (November 2016)**

“What do you think your parents would say if you and I became boyfriends?”

They are in the locker room, finally having a  _ serious talk _ . Or at least trying to.

Even is so nervous. From the moment he saw his golden haired soulmate at Hartvig Nissen, Even has thought of Isak and this connection between them.  The connection that Isak so clearly hates (or he did last year, at least). 

And now they are finally starting to know each other, and they have even kissed, and everything feels  _ amazing _ . 

Even just wants to stay with Isak, forever. 

Before this, Even has spent a stupid  amount of time and mental energy trying to settle on a good strategy to finally talk to Isak. For real.  Even has taken his time to build up the courage to ask Isak about soulmates. And to tell him about his bipolar disorder, too. Even has wanted to tell him, so many times, but it has never seemed like the right time. 

Now he’s going to finally talk about these things. 

And maybe ask if there's any chance. Even a small one. 

That they could get together. 

He has polished and rehearsed at least eight different openings, and made an effort to predict all of Isak’s possible responses to ensure that his line of pursuit will actually lead to the topic of interest. 

Isak mumbles a bit, talking about his parents.  _ But then _ . Then he calls his mom  _ crazy _ , and ice goes through Even’s veins. 

“What do you mean?” Even asks, schooling his expression into something not showing his fear. 

“I’ve figured out that I don’t want mentally ill people in my life,” Isak says. 

Isak looks so stubborn and so vulnerable at the same time. He has no clue what he’s done, that he’s broken Even’s heart. He looks nervous when he asks what Even’s parents would think about him. 

In a daze, Even nods and tells him that his parents would love him, too, because, in a way, he understands Isak, and he doesn’t want Isak to hurt. He never wants that. 

It’s better for them both that he stays away. He decides to forget about them being soulmates. 

###  **9\. Isak: Now (August, 2019)**

“He said there is a… connection? Like, a link?”

“A link?” Sana stares at Isak. She’s probably a little surprised that Isak invited her for coffee in the first place. They are good friends, but they rarely go to have a coffee, just for no special reason. Isak just doesn’t know what else to do, he needs to talk to someone about this. And not just Jonas, who laughs at him and tells him to seize the day, or something like that.

”Yeah, a mental bond. You know what I’m talking about?”

She nods. “Of course. Bonding. It’s a marriage, basically.” 

Marriage is the wrong word, of course, but Sana has a point. It’s like two souls opening up for each other, and it happens to a lot of non platonic soulmates, but not all of them. Even some platonic soulmates have reported to experience it. Isak never thought he would experience it, at all. For a long time, he didn’t even want it.

“Yeah,” Isak sighs. “You know. Shared feelings and all that.” He groans and rubs his face with both hands. This is such a mess. Even has so many questions, and Isak has no idea how to answer them all. Also, Even’s so much closer all the time, touching him and holding his hand and it all fills Isak with a sickening feeling of guilt. It feels like he’s taking advantage of Even.

“Yeah, yeah,” Sana says. “And Even has a link? With whom?”

Isak tries to minimize his eye-roll. “With me, of course!”

She gapes. “Wow.”

“Wow what? Wow good or wow bad?”

“Just… wow. You have a link with Even?”

Isak pauses. He knows how he always feels around Even, and he knows that feeling has been more intense lately, and especially after the accident. It’s not just the warmth and the pull, but it’s the presence of Even in the back of his mind. But… What does it mean? 

“I don’t know. Do I? I think so! Could he be wrong?”

She gives him a skeptical glance. ”I doubt that.”

Isak nods.  _ Damn _ . This thing is real, isn’t it? He doesn’t know if he’s more scared or more excited. He’s always hated the idea of soulmates, but… Being bonded with Even? The guy he has crushed on for years? That can’t be too bad, really,  _ damn _ .

“Can’t you feel it?” Sana asks. 

“I guess I do, at least now. But haven’t felt much before.”

( _ Except that one time, but he won’t think about that, right now _ ).

Sana stares at him. “Wow,” she says again. Is that a smile? Why is she smiling? Is she enjoying herself? 

“Stop saying wow,” Isak sighs. 

“Okay. So. Why wouldn’t he have mentioned it before?”

Isak shrugs. “He knows I hate soulmate stuff, maybe it’s about that?”

“You haven’t talked shit about soulmates in a long time, though.”

He nods. That’s true.  He’s still not a great fan of the idea, though. He’s not one to believe in fate so the belief that there's someone out there that you're just 'destined to be with' just because destiny says so doesn't sit well with him at all. Then again, it helps a little that there is more than one possible soulmate for everyone. And he does like the idea that he’s somehow connected to Even, he can’t help it. 

“Is it possible that he didn’t know before the accident?”

Sana hesitates. “Maybe? It’s possible that something clicked in place when Even regained consciousness and noticed it for the first time. But…” She looks at her phone, staring unseeingly at the screen lock - a picture of the friend group when they were at Nissen. The good old times. “How would it have formed? Not spontaneously. At least, not without some kind of very intimate physical contact happening between the two of you. And even then, the chances would be…”

She must see it in his eyes when she looks back at him. Or maybe it’s in the way he crosses his arms on his chest, or lowers his gaze to his own boots, or flattens his lips in a thin line. She is Sana, after all. She is good at reading this stuff. At reading people. And Isak is bad at making himself opaque. 

“ _ No _ , Isak. You didn’t!”

Isak firmly shuts his eyes, for just a fraction of a second, and says nothing. When he opens them, she's still there. The whole situation is.  _ Fuck _ .

She stares at him. “Isak.” 

“It was only—”

“Isak.”

“—the once.”

“Isak!”

Isak blushes. “I know! I know, okay! Don’t think that I don’t know.”

“I told you to stay away from him!”

She did. A little less than a year ago, when Isak had been hitting a rough patch, always so fatigued and stressed out that it had been so hard to push down that thing inside him begging for more closeness, for more time, for more of Even, there had been more lovesick looks thrown at Even than Sana could ignore. 

Except that she had interpreted them less as lovesick, and more as staring at her best friend’s ass out of boredom. So she had given him the “don’t hurt him or I’ll kill you” talk, and Isak had thought it best to put the brakes on the whole thing. 

Just a little too late.

Isak groans, feeling miserable. 

“Isak,” Sana says, softly. “It’s not like I object to you and Even being together, you know.”

Isak’s eyes shoot up, staring at her. “It isn’t?”

“Far from it! I just want you two to TALK first. And I don’t want you to hurt each other. That was why I told you to stay away from Even.”

“Yeah, well, I tried to stay away. It was really hard. It was impossible.”

Sana sighs. “Well, now you have a mental bond to show for it. Congratulations, Isak.”

Isak groans again.

Sana leans back and sits in it with both her legs underneath her. It would look lazy and sprawling if it were anyone else, but she manages to be as graceful as a work of art.

“So how did you tell him?” 

“…How did I tell him, what?”

“That you’re not really bonded. Or, that you haven’t known about it.”

Isak swallows. “I didn’t. We all just kinda, um, went along with it?”

Sana’s eyes widen. “Wow.”

She’s using that one word a lot, isn’t she. Isak sighs. “What was I supposed to do? He’s missing years of his life. Should I confuse him more by telling him that this thing he can feel in his head is not a thing?” 

Especially because, Even didn’t exactly seem to mind it. Isak remembers his warm lips pressing against his own, nerve endings buzzing and fluttering under his skin.

Sana shakes her head. “Isak. Just. Don’t hurt him, okay?”

“I won’t. Of course, I won’t! But what should I do? What if he wants to come home with me? My flat doesn’t look like he lives there, at all.”

“Isak! Are you really planning to continue this charade?”

Isak shrugs. “I will tell him. I just need some time.”

Sana sighs. “Alright. Fine. I’ll help you out. Give me a spare key. If he wants to come home with you, I can sneak in with some of his things while you’re packing. His mom loves me.” 

“A couple of things won’t hide that he doesn’t live there.”

“He doesn’t have to live there, silly. Lots of couples don’t live together. Soulmates, too.”

She’s right. Still, it’s a small comfort. Isak groans. 

A text from Even pops up on his phone: 

_ Hi, Isak. Have you erased all our interaction on my phone, or something? _

Isak is quick to answer: 

_ No, of course not. The doctor advised that you shouldn’t get overloaded. So your mom switched your phone with a new one. She has your old one. _

Sana looks at him. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, it’s just Even.”

Isak looks at his phone just in time to catch Even’s answer: 

_ Seriously? She didn’t say anything. Typical. They still treat me like a kid sometimes, huh. _

_ I’m sorry.  _

Isak sees the three dots dance on his phone for a moment. Then: 

_ No worries, I’m used to it. I think I remember something more, though! When we talked in the locker room. Do you remember? When I told you that I had a break from Sonja, and everything? _

Isak swallows. _ Wow. Shit. Fuck.  _ That means that Even remembers Isak’s completely insensitive comment.  _ Fuck _ . For Isak, that’s a long time ago, and something they have overcome, but for Even… 

_ Damn _ , they need to talk.

“Everything still okay?” Sana asks, sounding worried. 

“Yeah. No. I don’t know. Even remembers something.”

“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?” 

Yeah, it should be, and still it’s kind of terrifying. Also, does that mean that all of Even’s memories will come back, now? When Isak first heard of Even’s amnesia, that was what he wanted the most. But now… Now he’s not so sure.

Even is going to be so disappointed in him, for lying.

Especially with that thing happening last year...

Isak groans again. “Oh god, what have I done?”

###  **10\. Isak: 1 year ago (November, 2018)**

Isak and Even don’t spend a lot of time on their own on a daily basis, but one evening, when the gang is planning a movie night, everybody else chickens out, and then it’s only Isak and Even. 

Isak doesn’t mind. It’s just that he struggles a little when he’s alone with Even. He has managed to stop thinking about Even like  _ that  _ for a long time now, but it’s not easy. He constantly feels like he needs to push Even out of his mind. Especially now that Isak feels tired and stressed out all the time. He just wants to curl up next to Even and stay there.

“So… anything new?” he asks as they settle on the sofa. 

Even smiles one of his soft smiles. “Not really. Mostly just studies and KB. What about you?” 

“Nah.” Isak sighs. “Eskild says that I need to get a life and start dating and stuff, but I don’t know.” 

Even chuckles. “The boys tell me that I should get a life, too,” he says. “Maybe I should check out dating, just to get them off my back. 

_ Wait _ . “Wait. Are you really planning to start going out? Like, on dates?”

Even hasn’t dated anyone in a long time. Not that Isak knows of, anyway.

“I don’t know,” Even shrugs. “Probably not. But I guess I could!”

Even going out with other people... Finding someone special... 

“I—” Isak feels a sudden bubble of panic swell inside him. “I didn’t know that you did that.”

Even raises an eyebrow. “I have dated people before, you know. I dated Sonja for a long time, and you know there’s been others.”

“Right, right.” Isak says, quickly. He knows that, too well. Also, he knows he should let it be, but he can’t. “So…the dating thing. Do you have someone in mind?” 

Isak’s not feeling possessive. And panicky. Not at all. 

Oblivious, Even sighs. “I don’t know. Someone who’s interested, I guess. It’s not like I have a queue at my door.”

It's okay. It's fine. “Right.”

_ What about me?  _ Isak wants to ask. Years of longing and wanting and pining and telling himself to just stop, and he has to bite his lip not to ask it out loud.

Even stares at him, looking a little nervous. “What about you?” he asks, and for a confused moment, Isak thinks that Even has read his mind, or that he’s asking him out. But, of course, that’s not it. 

Isak sighs. “It’s been ages since I dated anyone, and I have no plans do date anyone right now.” 

“That’s not -” Even says, and then he shuts his mouth. “Okay. Should we watch the movie?”

Isak shrugs. “Yeah, let’s do that.”

They settle down and put the movie on. It’s a movie about soulmates, and Isak can’t help complaining. “I don’t know why all romantic movies use this soulmate theme. Being soulmates sounds pretty shit to me. No choice. Just instincts.”

Even doesn’t really answer, he just sits back on the sofa. And Isak doesn’t know if it’s because of all the talk about dating, but the vibe is a little tense between them. 

He tries to sink back on the sofa and focus on the movie. Even leans closer, and that’s just fine, really. Even has always been kinda tactile. It’s just that he smells so good. And he’s so warm. 

Everything is warm, and Isak doesn’t really know why they start to fight over the blanket, but they do. Then Even hits him with a pillow, and then… 

Suddenly the movie is all forgotten and they’re having a pillow fight.  “You know you can’t win,” Even breaths with a grin,  tickling Isak, trying to put him down. 

“Yes, I can!” Isak pounces on him and does all he can to get Even off balance. He moves his hands everywhere, poking and pinching all down Even’s sides. Pushing Even back against the sofa until Isak is basically straddling him, and Even just laughs and laughs between his breaths.

Isak feels hot everywhere. He tangles their legs until Even is locked in place under his weight.  “Beg for mercy,” he laughs.

“Never,” Even grins, looking up at him. Even is flushed and hot, and his hair is a mess.  _ Fuck _ , he’s beautiful like this. Isak can hear his own heart thumping in his ears with the exertion of the fight; his head is spinning with the rush of adrenaline and lack of oxygen. 

Even looks up at him with wide eyes and there’s something new in his stare. His mouth is open and breathing in deep and shallow, his heart beating fast against Isak’s chest.

Then Isak feels it.

_ Oh. _

He’s getting hard. And he becomes harder as he has Even pinned against the sofa, his hand is grabbing his hair, body flush against his. 

Even squirms under him, trying to fight back. Which is when Isak realizes that Even is hard, too. And that’s maybe no big deal, really. Except that Even is looking at him,  _ inside him _ , and though Isak has his upper body totally immobilized, Even can still shift his hips, and suddenly he does, and their erections are brushing against each other, and yes.  _ Yes. Yes. _

They’re pressing against each other, and the friction is amazing, and Even’s lips are warm and soft against his.  _ Finally, finally _ , it’s been so long and Isak is so bad at wanting and not having and no one ever told him that being in love was all about  _ wanting, wanting, wanting. _

Even’s body is so firm under him and his eyes stares right into him and  _ fuck _ , it’s so good.

Isak gasps and groans over Even. He can’t help it, his movements become more restless, little aborted twitches back and forth. He buries his face in Even’s neck, panting desperately, pressing soft wet kisses along his jaw, feeling more and more desperate.

But that can’t be the only explanation why they come so hard, and so easily.  The pleasure and the tension builds so fast, it’s almost too fast, and Isak shivers and comes,  gasping out a groan that’s more of a full-voiced breath than anything, his body spasming helplessly against Even. He feels like everything disappears in the waves of pleasure while Even mouths his name against his cheek. 

Even’s hands spasm against Isak’s waist, and Isak holds him as he shakes and comes, too.

Even keeps rolling his hips against him, keeps breathing in stuttering breaths. And Isak inhales the smell of Even and bites into his earlobe.

_ What the fuck was that? _

It’s too good, too much, too fast, and Isak knows that this orgasm must be coming straight from his brain. 

_ Fuck.  _ Of course, it’s only natural that Even would have the ability to totally redefine fucking for Isak  _ for all time _ .

How is this even possible? 

Isak feels so content. And there’s a new closeness between them, like a presence in the back of his mind. Almost like he can feel what Even feels. Pleasure. Content. Worry. Fear.

_ Fear? _

Even immediately kills Isak’s buzz as he’s looking at Isak like  _ that _ .

_ Horrified.  _

Isak has seen him like this before, maybe once or twice, and it brings him down real quick from his high. 

What’s in Even’s eyes, is it panic? Did Isak make him feel bad somehow? Didn’t Even want this? Is this over now? Is everything over? 

Suddenly, Isak can’t feel the presence of Even in his mind, at all. It’s like there’s a wall between them. And why is Even looking at him like Isak just punched him? Isak can’t bear it. 

It hurts too much. 

“Isak,” Even starts. 

But Isak doesn’t want to hear Even’s panic, or his rejection. So he gets up and takes one step back and swallows around the lump in his throat. He looks straight into Even’s eyes. 

“I’m... uh… sorry, Even. Can’t we just… forget about this?”

Even stares at him, breathing. Isak stares back, feeling terrified. He can’t lose Even as a friend. He needs to fix this, and cut his losses. Things have to go back to how things were.  _ Fuck, fuck, fuck. _ It takes several moments for Even’s nod to come. As soon as it does, Isak gets out of there.

###  **11\. Even: Now (August, 2019)**

“So you remember about the locker room, now?” Isak asks, when he comes to visit Even the next day. 

Straight to the point, as he often is. 

“Yeah.” Even sighs. “I don’t know what happened next, but I’m sorry. I suppose I ran away? Shut you out? I’ve sort of got a feeling that I did.” He winces. He remembers that he wanted to forget that Isak was his soulmate. He remembers that he wanted to hide it all from Isak, too. But he can’t remember more.

Isak stares at him, and blinks. “You don’t have to be sorry, Even!” he protests. “I was the one talking shit! God, I was such an asshole. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. You know that, right?”

Even shrugs. “Sure.”

“And I see mom every week now, too,” Isak adds. 

Even wishes he could ease Isak’s distress. “It’s fine, Isak. You’re bonded with me, now. I know that you must have changed your mind at some point. So. That’s fine. Don’t think about it. But I guess that we didn’t bond back then?”

Isak swallows. “That’s right.” 

Well, that makes sense. Even had made this story in his mind, where Isak and Even got together and bonded, three years ago. But he should have realized that it would have felt different. Not so new, maybe. 

“So I hid from you that we were soulmates.”

“I think so?”

“Wow.” Even thinks for a moment. “How long did it take before I told you that I had bipolar disorder?”

“Not long.” Isak is irritatingly vague, and he seems to notice it. “I guess you didn’t really tell us. But then you had this episode. And then you told us.”

“Ah, fuck.” 

“Yeah.” Isak takes his hand. “It wasn’t too bad. Promise.”

“Good.”

Even’s head hurts, and he guesses that all these questions maybe aren’t good for him right now. He gets up off the bed. “I think I will have to dig up more of my history later. I should pack. They say that I’m ready to go home.”

“Cool,” Isak just says, not mentioning where home is. “I can help.” 

They start to pack Even’s things. One of Isak’s buddies from school, Jonas, the hipster one with the dark curls and the eyebrows, turns up to help them, too. It’s not like Even has a lot of things, but it’s nice that they’re both there.

It’s weird how Jonas acts as if they know each other. But, of course, they do. They’ve known each other for three years. Even is curious about how all of that happened. 

It’s like Isak picks up his unspoken question, even if their bond is more about feelings than thoughts. “Jonas was the one who sort of introduced you to the gang,” Isak says. 

“What?”

“Yeah, we met at a party and started to discuss music,” Jonas smiles, “and I didn’t even know that you and Isak had… met, already. 

Isak is actually blushing. “Jonas dragged you with him to have a smoke, and then you met all of us.”

“Oh, and Sana invited us all to some kosegruppa things,” Jonas adds.

“Yeah,” Isak smiles. “She was very determined to make kosegruppa work. So. You kinda became a part of the gang,” he explains. 

“Right,” Even answers, still feeling a little dizzy. He looks at Isak. “So. We were friends. And… something happened at some moment. Are we living together?” he asks, as he’s putting on his jacket and shoes. 

Isak hesitates. “Not really. But you stay a lot of time at my place. So.” 

“That’s true,” Jonas comments, and Isak sends him a look that’s pretty difficult to read.

So. They’re not living together. Even frowns. “How new is this bond?” 

Jonas snorts in the background, for some reason.

Isak looks flushed. “Very.” 

Even nods to himself. That makes sense. “Can I come home with you, then?”

His mom has told him that he has his own flat, but he doesn’t look forward to the idea of being alone right now. 

“Sure, of course.” Isak looks a little flushed. He texts someone on his phone.  “Just Sana, ” he explains. ”I asked her to fix some things.” 

_ Sana _ ? Even blinks.

Isak looks up. “Right. You probably don’t remember… I know that you know her, and her family.”

“We all know that,” Jonas comments from the background. “They’re all pretty great. Mutta is so funny, and Mikael’s pretty clever.”

“A smartass,” Isak scoffs.

“And Elias is really cool. Adam, too. Oh, and Yousef. Yousef is dating Sana!”

“Oh.”

Even blinks again. He can’t take it all in. He can only remember feeling afraid of his different worlds colliding. And sadness over losing his friends. 

“I guess our friend groups have sort of… become mixed up.” Isak explains. Then he pauses. ”I never figured out why you kept your old gang a secret.”

Even’s heart races. ”I never told you why?” he asks, confused.

Isak shrugs. ”Not really. I guess you wanted to tell us all about things in your own time. I mean, you have told us all about your bipolar disorder and all that, just… I thought there were things you wanted to keep to yourself.”

Even nods. That sounds right. Almost too right. He cocks his head and studies Isak. “Sana told you that once, didn’t she?”

Isak smiles a sudden smile. “Yeah, something like that.”

Sana is cool,” Jonas comments from the side.

“She is,” Even nods. He notices that Isak has this almost lost look in his face. Even steps over to Isak and takes his hand. “You okay?” 

Isak smiles a slow smile. “Yeah, sure. What about you?” 

“I’m good. I’m just glad I have you to guide me through all of this.” 

Isak looks a little overwhelmed. “That’s just… no problem.”

“I bet it isn’t,” Jonas comments, looking amused again. “Come on, boys, let’s go!”

They finally get out of the hospital. Jonas follows them to the tram, but then he says that he has some other business. “I guess you’ve got it from here,” he says. 

“Sure,” Isak nods. 

Jonas pats Even on his back as he goes. “Hope you’ll be yourself again soon, man. See you guys later.” 

On the tram ride to Isak’s place, nothing looks very familiar. Well, not more familiar than any other thing in Oslo. Even can’t still remember a thing from the last years, but of course, it could have been worse. What if he had forgotten Isak?

Just the thought of it makes him ice cold. 

Isak must notice something, because he takes Even’s hand, and he holds it the whole way to his flat. 

“I can see that I don’t live here,” Even comments as they enter the flat. 

“Oh yeah?” 

“Yeah, it’s far too tidy.” 

Isak laughs and nods. He must see it too, how everything is pretty neat and tidy. Even spots some of his things lying around though, like a notebook that’s clearly his, and one of his shirts.

Even pulls Isak closer. Kisses him softly. 

Isak blinks, and kisses him back.  His lips are warm and tender. His skin is heated under Even’s touch. And right there and then, everything feels right.

Isak really is his soulmate. Even can’t believe it.

Isak leans back a little. “Is it weird?” he asks.

“Weird?” 

“Yeah, is it weird to wake up to a bond like this?” 

Even smiles and shakes his head. “No, this isn’t weird at all. A little unbelievable, but not weird.” 

He thinks for a moment, wondering. “So the bonding… How did it happen?”

Isak’s eyes become a little glassy. “Well, I didn’t know what it was at first, but… we were having a movie night, and then a pillow fight and… it just happened. That’s what I think, anyway.” 

“Doesn’t sound very epic.”

”Epic enough for me.” Isak looks a little hesitant. ”Everybody doesn’t know about the bond, though. Just so you know.”

Even raises his eyebrows, surprised. ”Damn, this thing must really be new.”

”Yeah.”

Even could drown in Isak’s green eyes.

He gasps as he suddenly recalls  the sensation of a strong arm wrapped around his ribs, and hands clenching around his waist through his t-shirt, and the fan of a hot breath at the base of his jaw. And something pooling low at the base of his spine, and he had wanted to make it last, but Isak had been so close, and the pleasure so lovely, and Even had been so in love it hurt— 

The bonding. It suddenly comes back to him.

_ Fuck _ .

###  **12\. Even: 1 years ago (November, 2018)**

The night starts innocently enough, with a cute movie and light banter between them. It’s just that Even has wanted to have Isak to himself for so long, and now… it’s just too much. 

He has mostly learned to forget about the whole soulmate thing, or at least make a wall that makes sure that Isak will never discover it. It’s just that… he’s still crushing hard on Isak. He can’t help it. 

They talk about dating, and Even is stupid and reckless and asks Isak directly. “What about you?”  _ Do you want to date me? Please? _

Isak doesn’t get it. Of course, he doesn’t.

By the time the movie starts, Even’s nerves are a jangle of firing synapses. He’s aware of everything that Isak does. Each shift of his legs, bite of food, swallow of drink, and sound he makes, stirs Even deeper, makes him more aware of him. 

Even has tried for a longer time to figure out what Isak feels about soulmates. Does he really hate them still? It’s hard to tell. 

So he starts dropping hints. He talks about how some couples at school are soulmates. No luck. But then, he picks a soulmate movie to watch, and it gets him what he’s looking for. Isak snaps,  telling him that soulmarks are nothing but jokes, and that he would have his removed a long time ago, if it was possible.

Even just nods, and keeps quiet for the rest of the movie. And if Isak sends a glance or two in his direction, he doesn’t notice. He focuses hard on not noticing. 

And then… he doesn’t quite know how it starts, but they end up doing this silly playfight. In one moment they are wrestling each other, laughing and fighting for the blanket, and in the next… in the next something completely different happens. Even is hard, and that’s maybe not a big deal, but then  Isak is holding him, crowding him against the sofa, and he’s so warm and strong and he smells of soap and something else. Even must look like a deer in the headlights because he’s rooted to the spot, and he can feel that Isak is rock hard, just like he is, and it feels so  _ good _ . 

Even is trembling . Isak’s solid, muscular body always makes him tingle every time they touch. Now Isak is touching Even from head to toe and the tingling is driving him wild.

He needs to feel Isak closer. He can’t help it, he thrusts his hips forward.

Isak moans.  And  _ yes _ , it feels so good.  Feeling Isak so close fills Even with a sense of awe. He has the most incredible man in his arms; he hopes that this time, it’s for real. Something that will last. 

They are clinging to each other, and everything is overwhelming.  Isak feels so good, so real. Even’s been wanting this for so long, he can’t believe it’s finally happening. They grind against each other, again and again, and Even thinks he’s going to shudder into a million pieces. All he can do is moan and live for the ride. 

Isak’s lips are warm and dry, and his body is so hot, hot, hot, but what grabs Even’s attention is that as soon as they kiss, something in Even’s mind moves, like a window he hadn’t known existed quietly sliding open.  Just as he tips over the edge and loses control, he feels how everything opens up. 

“Oh.” Even swallows in surprise, but Isak doesn’t seem to hear him.  Isak’s groan is torn from him as he pulls away and rests his forehead against Even’s, breathing deeply. He has a lazy, satisfied look over his face.

Maybe he hasn’t noticed yet.

_ A mental bond _ . It’s so weird. Even can see Isak right in front of him but he can also  _ feel  _ him, like a radio set to a frequency only Even can hear. Isak is radiating waves of emotion (wonder, bliss, anxiety, fear) along with the white noise of hundreds of whispery thoughts laid over each other.

_ Oh fuck.  _

###  **13\. Isak: Now (August, 2019)**

Taking Even home to his flat is a little overwhelming. He’s so attentive, close and  _ husbandy  _ all the time, and Isak doesn’t quite know how to handle it. Even is a little quiet, too, for some reason. Isak doesn’t ask, or prod at the bond to figure out why. 

He only knows that he feels guilty. He needs to tell Even the truth. 

After a light dinner, Isak escapes Even’s new and overwhelming attention for a little while and phones Jonas. 

“So?” Jonas says, with laughter in his voice.

“So, what?” Isak sits down on his bed, rubbing his face. 

“Come on. Has he remembered yet?”

Isak groans. “You know he hasn’t. Well, not that I know of.”

“Have you told him, then?”

Isak keeps staring straight ahead. “You know I haven’t.”

“Mmmm. Have you had sex yet?”

“What?!” Isak almost shouts. What in the world has gotten into Jonas? “No, I—I’m not gonna have sex with him.” He massages his forehead. “Not again, anyway.”

“Again?” 

Isak groans. He needs to learn how to shut up. “Yeah, well I guess that sex sort of started this whole bonding thing.”

“Oh, right.” 

Isak sighs into his phone. “It was not… Listen, he can’t remember shit. I don’t want to take advantage of him—”

“He’s going to want to, though. He’s a young and healthy...”

“He’s not. He’s not himself. He has amnesia and—”

Jonas chuckles. “Yeah, yeah. I’m just saying. Because, you know.”

“Know what?”

“This might be an opportunity you don’t want to miss. Right?” Jonas is laughing openly now. He knows how much Isak has been pining for Even. 

“Fuck off, Jonas.”

Jonas laughs even louder. 

Isak hangs up and goes back to the living room. The thing is that Isak really, really needs to sit down with Even and tell him.

The truth.  _ Everything.  _

He can do it. Even’s a good guy. For all his teasing and banter, Even has never been anything but open minded about Isak, and he has never been unreasonable. 

He will understand. Isak will explain that he felt put on the spot when Even went all chummy on him in the hospital, and that he just didn’t know how to react. And maybe he will also add that he might have been harboring half a crush on Even —and Even will be as gracious as he’s always been when having to deal with Isak’s poor choices—

It’s just.

The way Even’s eyes take Isak in when he finally looks up from his sketchbook. 

And the way he smiles.

And the way he teases Isak when Isak does one of his weird things.

Isak grins and his heart hums and sinks a little harder into this sweet, inescapable feeling that’s always there when Even is— 

It’s heady, all of this. Addictive, in a way.

Even almost gives him a heart attack when he says: “I must tell you something. I remember the bonding.”

“You do?” Isak says, in a shaky breath.  _ Shit. Fuck. _

“Yeah. I can’t really recall what happened before, or afterwards. But it must have been about a year ago?”

“That’s right.”  Isak shivers. Even doesn’t remember what happened afterwards. Does that mean that he can’t remember his own reaction of horror? Or how Isak pushed him away? Isak doesn’t dare to ask.

“It seemed to surprise us, huh?”

“It sure did,” Isak smiles.

Especially since Isak was so lost in his own head that he really didn’t understand what happened. Not until now. 

_ Shit _ . At least Even can’t remember everything. Does that mean that Isak’s off the hook for now? He knows that now would be a good moment to tell Even, though. 

He just… can’t.

“God, I feel tired,” Even sighs. 

“Yeah, that’s not so strange. You should probably get some rest.”

“Is it okay if I stay the night?” Even’s voice sounds nearer than Isak would have expected, and when he turns he finds him not a foot away. Close. Very close. Not excessively close, but definitely closer than Even would have chosen to be were he in possession of all of his memories. 

Isak loves it.

Which in turn makes him feel horrible. Because Even should know the truth.

“Listen, you should probably know that—”

Whatever Even should know, gets lost in the way he wraps his hands around Isak’s, so that their palms are brushing. “Isak. You are distressed. Let me help you.” 

It’s unlike anything Isak has felt before. It’s a very concrete awareness of Even’s warmth, Even’s body, shifting upwards and taking its place beside Isak’s, occupying his personal space. The contact irradiates upwards from his hands and into his arms. It presses inside Isak for a second, and then for minutes, and Isak wonders if it’ll ever go away. 

He feels calm. And cozy. And contained. He is also aroused. Not an impatient, urgent arousal, but a pleasant one. 

“What did you do?” His voice is unexpectedly raspy. He knows he’s flushed, and visibly, probably. 

“I just tried to soothe you through the bond.” Even smiles. “I didn’t really know that I could do that.” His hand moves upwards, coming to push Isak’s too-long hair back from his forehead. 

Isak shivers.  _ Okay _ , so maybe he’s more horny than he thought. He’s really, really quite turned on, but also nervous. And guilty.

“Can you read my thoughts?” he asks.

“Not now, no.” Even’s forehead creases. “I’ve heard that it only happens when soulmates link their minds. You should know this by now, though. Haven’t we talked about this before? Tested it out?”

Right. It’s the perfect time for Isak to take a step back. To explain.  He takes a deep breath to start the conversation that will end all of this when…

Lips. 

There are lips against his neck now, and they are just as warm as the hand was but softer, and they are clearly, if barely, parted, and Even is pressing closer, and Isak must struggle to focus. 

“You might have… omitted a few details,” he finally says.

“I see.” Even is running his thumb back and forth on Isak’s cheekbone, now. Undoubtedly, he’s convinced that this, standing mere millimeters apart, breathing the same air, making the other’s pupils dilate, is something they do regularly. 

Among other things.

Like…

_ No. No. _

Isak should really tell him everything. 

“Isak. I cannot read your thoughts or memories through the bond. However, if we are close enough I can perceive your feelings. And… physical sensations. I guess you do can do that, too.”

Isak shivers, sensing Even’s arousal like a heat flowing between them. “Yeah.”

Even’s eyes linger, caught on Isak’s mouth, before shifting up to his eyes, searching. 

No. This is exactly what—no.

“We can’t… Even, you don’t really…” Really know. Really understand. 

Really want.

Although maybe Even does. Judging from the way he’s looking at Isak, and the way feelings are surging through their bond, he does want, and Isak wants too. And whatever Even is offering can’t be as bad as the awkward conversation they probably should have. So Isak gives in, hating himself a little, and it’s…

_ Glorious _ .

It should probably be awkward, or uncomfortable, or guilt-laden, but Isak has just a couple of seconds to ponder precisely how deep he’s digging his grave, and then Even’s hand is gently cupping his nape, and his lips are pressing against his, and it’s familiar and new and wonderful.

Isak should feel terrible. If nothing else, because Even is technically ill, and Isak is now deceiving him, actively taking advantage of his condition. But it's only electrifying, and erotic, and as their tongues meet they both moan and within less than a minute they’re holding each other’s faces, their groins are flush against each other, and Isak could probably come in the next five seconds. 

“Holy shit,” he exhales, and Even is busy tugging at the collar of his shirt and then kissing his collarbone, and Isak lets his hands slide down to the small of Even’s back, to press him tighter against his erection, which he has totally began to thrust against Even’s hips. 

And it’s happening again. They are just—they have barely—they haven’t even—and Isak is already—

“This is… Even, this—” he gasps “—needs to slow down.” 

Even just bites Isak’s earlobe. “No, it doesn’t,” he breathes, and pushes Isak down onto the sofa. His long fingers are unbuttoning Isak’s fly, struggling a little because Isak’s so hard. 

Not that it slows Even down more than a handful of moments, since his hand is already inside Isak’s boxers and what the fuck, Even’s fingers are so hot, and his hands are so big, and there are so many points of contact between their bodies, not to mention that Even’s tongue is licking the corners of Isak’s gasping lips, and—

“Fuck. We need to—I’m really close to—”

Even swipes his thumb on the head of Isak’s dick, on that bundle of nerves right underneath, and simultaneously whispers against Isak’s cheek, “I got you.” 

Which is good, because Isak completely loses it. He spurts what feels like a year’s worth of come, spilling everything in Even’s hand and on both their shirts. Even keeps kissing his neck and this fucking orgasm… 

It lasts so long that he’s afraid he’ll never come down from the high. The pleasure pulsates through him, inside his head, until it’s almost physically uncomfortable, and Even’s hands are still on him, around him, keeping it flowing, and this. 

_ This is it.  _

All these years, all that Isak has ever wanted, and this is it.

“Fuck,” Even smiles. “Bonded sex is something else. I guess you must be used to it by now, huh?” 

Ha. Isak doesn’t know how to respond to that. At all. His abs are still quivering with the force of his orgasm. His brain and his knees feel like mush. His cock is, not surprisingly, given the stunt Even just pulled, still hard.

Even looks like he’s about to withdraw and get cleaned, and, no. That’s so  _ wrong _ . The whole situation is completely, utterly wrong, but having his fake husband, who has a medical condition, to whom Isak has been consistently lying for what is now days, get him off like that and then just withdraw... well, that makes it fucking wronger. 

Isak catches Even’s hand and drags him close. 

“Your turn,” Isak tells him, grabbing the front of his pants. His erection obviously hasn’t gone anywhere. 

“Isak, you don’t have to—”

But Isak has already dropped to his knees, and is pulling down Even’s pants. 

“Oh I’m pretty sure I do.”

Even looks… nice. Isak isn’t sure if he knows what Even finds enjoyable, but it doesn’t really matter much, because this is Even, and Isak will do what he has to make him happy, to make him like it, to make him come. So he just goes for it, opening his mouth, and sliding his tongue everywhere, and Even definitely does not seem to mind, judging from his groans, and the way he alternates between looking into Isak’s eyes and letting his head fall back, and how he runs his hands through Isak’s hair, tugging at Isak’s scalp as he forgets himself little by little. 

It all makes Isak bolder and bolder, hornier and hornier, uncaring of the obscene noises he’s making. So he licks Even’s balls, and tongues the frenulum, and runs his teeth down the shaft, and Even groans and holds onto Isak. Even comes hard into Isak’s mouth (because Isak thinks,  _ fuck it _ , it’s not like either of them has dated anyone in ages, and he wants it), and Even is laughing and struggling for air at the same time. And when he can breathe again he kisses Isak and gets him off all over again with his hands.

Isak starts to wonder if having a soulmate isn’t so bad, after all.

###  **14\. Isak: 1 year ago (November, 2018)**

After that time during the movie night, when they… yeah. After the movie night, Even doesn’t make eye contact with Isak for several weeks.

Isak knows very well that something special happened between Even and him that night, but he’s not sure  _ what _ . There’s more to it than just that despair-fueled orgasm. It’s a really nice orgasm, an orgasm that basically ruins all other sex for Isak. But there must be more to it. It feels very special. Intimate. 

But, nonetheless, Even clearly loathes both himself and Isak for it, and he stays away. 

It ruins everything. 

Even isn’t overtly avoiding Isak — he can’t be, because they’re in the same friend group, and they keep meeting each other all the time — but he definitely stares at a weird spot somewhere over Isak’s left shoulder whenever they are talking, and will suddenly develop a strange fixation with the tip of his boots if they happened to cross paths. 

The whole thing leaves Isak annoyed and frustrated, mainly because  _ he’s _ the one who’s head over heels in love, and  _ he’s _ the one who has to make an effort to pretend not to be, and  _ he’s _ the one who had everything he’d been wishing for handed to him and then immediately yanked away by that horrified look in Even’s eyes. If Isak can pretend nothing happened, so can Even. Or at least he can fucking try.

Even slowly becomes himself again, pretty much, anyway, and Isak tells himself that everything is fine. He tries to ignore the feeling of emptiness and loss that sometimes take his breath away.

###  **15\. Even: Now (August, 2019)**

Even ends up staying more than a night in Isak’s flat, and it’s great. Everything feels familiar and new at the same time, and Even can’t get enough. 

He’s happy that they don’t expect him to go to work, because whenever Even thinks of the fact that he and Isak are basically husbands, or he remembers a thing Isak has been doing to him, he suddenly finds himself all flustered and stuttering, with the urge to pick at the hem of his own shirt.

And Even can’t help watching out for Isak and helping him, packing him lunches and easing his headaches. 

Isak seems happy too, although Even can feel that he worries sometimes. Even tries to avoid prodding Isak’s mind. As long as Even can’t remember much from the latest years, that seems best. Still, he can’t help that he wants to help.

“Isak, are you good?” Even says, one evening, as they’re getting ready for bed. “I can feel your worry.” 

Isak looks at him. “You mean, through the bond?”

“Of course.”

Isak sighs. “It’s nothing, I promise. I’m fine.”

“Right.”

“I am. I just… Can you promise me one thing?”

“Sure.”

Isak hesitates. “If it turns out that I’ve been acting kind of like an idiot, can you promise me to give me a chance? And don’t leave me before we have talked?”

Wow. That’s weirdly specific. 

“Yeah,” Even says. “I will. Promise.”

“Good.” Isak sits down on the bed and lets out a deep sigh. “So. How are you doing?”

Even shrugs. “There are still big holes in my memory, and I can’t remember anything after we bonded. But I’m fine.”

For some reason, Even doesn’t really pursue his own memories after the bonding. It’s like something is holding him back. He tells himself that he’ll remember when he’s ready. Right now he just wants to enjoy what he has with Isak.

He scoots over and pulls at Isak’s arm, until they’re laying front to front, nestled under the blankets. Isak’s hand travels soothings up and down Even’s back. He leans forward and tucks his face into the crook of Isak’s neck. Even can feel him radiate contentment, through the bond, through his flesh, through the warmth of his breath of Even’s ear.

Even doesn’t remember with a bang.

There is no dramatic reveal, no second brain injury that fixes the first one, no loud gasp as the missing three years flash in front of his eyes.

It’s subtle and low-key, barely noticeable, seamless. And yet, full of consequences.

They are sitting by the kitchen table, just talking. Everything feels pretty great. Even has stayed with Isak for about a week. He knows he probably should go home and check out his own flat, but it’s not tempting. 

They’re talking about things to do in the weekend, and Even is in a teasing mood. “I think we should go hiking. You  _ really  _ loved the idea of our bicycle trip, didn’t you? God, how you complained that morning.”

It takes a second before he notices that Isak goes stiff. 

Even turns to him, and maybe it’s through the bond, or maybe it’s sheer coincidence, but at the same time so does Isak, and.

_ Yeah. _

Even remembers. He remembers everything from the moment he met Isak until the accident happened. They  _ did  _ bond. But Isak asked him to forget it, and... Even hid it from Isak. He hid everything.  _ Shit. _

And Isak knows, too. And Isak’s face screams “Fuck, fuck, fuck, and I’m so sorry.” 

Even doesn’t know what he’s thinking.

###  **16\. Even: 1 year ago (November, 2018)**

When they bond, Even panics. He stares at Isak’s blissed out face and shivers.  _ Fuck _ , this can’t happen.  Isak doesn’t want this, at all.  _ Fuck, fuck, fuck.  _

Not only are they  _ soulmates _ , they have  _ bonded, too.  _

It just happened. Nobody’s fault, really. 

But Isak hates soulmates. And bonding… 

Isak’s going to kill him. 

Isak opens his eyes, and he must see the worry in Even’s eyes, because he gets up from Even and the sofa and steps back. 

Even picks up hints of worry, fear and hurt from Isak, but he can’t think about that right now. Isak  _ can’t know _ . Even focuses all he can to build a wall around his thoughts and his feelings, keeping Isak out. 

But then Isak looks  straight into Even’s eyes, and there’s a hardness over his mouth. He says he’s sorry. “Can’t we just… forget about this?”

Even swallows.  _ Fuck. Right.  _ Isak really doesn’t want this. _ Any of it.  _

He finally nods. 

So they forget about it. Or, at least, Even tries to. In the back of his mind, though, he can never forget. And he never really loses hope. Maybe they will find a way to get together. 

When he gets the idea to go on a bike ride with Isak, he thinks it’s brilliant. They will get some time alone, and maybe talk. Maybe, just maybe, Even would find a way to tell him everything. 

It doesn’t go quite as planned. 

###  **17\. Isak: Now (August, 2019)**

Isak knows that t his was always going to happen.

He might have played at being in total denial for a while, but it’s not as if he wasn’t well aware that this is how things were going to end. Now it has happened, and if there’s something Isak’s good at, it’s dealing. With stuff. With everything.

And wow, Even hasn’t even killed him. 

Yet. 

Isak bites his lip, avoiding Even’s  eyes by staring at the wall.

“ What…” Even’s voice sounds strangled, but Isak can’t bring himself to look at him. He doesn’t want to see the way Even’s mouth is turned down in horror, or the angry look in his eyes. “Why?”

His voice isn’t angry. 

Isak swallows. Even won’t kill him, hopefully, if Isak does what he should. He will apologize.

And explain.

And tell the truth. 

And Even will be disappointed, but then he will come to terms with the whole thing and understand how, why Isak acted like he did, and then they will make up and fuck and go back to being happy and...

_ Except. _

Except, something ugly bubbles inside him and then it blooms, flourishes and takes roots, fed by panic and exhaustion and desperation. 

This anger. 

That he should have to feel ashamed about what he did, when Even’s happiness has been pulsating in head for days. 

That he should be blamed for reaching out and taking after years or denying himself.

That he should be made to apologize for… this. 

For all his shortcomings, Isak’s never been above admitting having screwed up. But apologizing for this. It’s just obscene.

And just like that, Isak is really angry. “Why?” Isak repeats. 

He stares at Even but he’s too far away and the bond is silent. Not even a small leak. Even’s expression is  blank, his voice perfectly even.

“Good question,” Isak hisses. “Do you mean why you never told me that we were soulmates and practically... married?” His voice is loud, and aggressive, and he doesn’t think he has talked with Even quite like this before. 

“Isak. You lied about—”

“Even, you lied way before I did. Or did you just forget to mention it?”

“Isak—

There are so many things Isak wants to say. About years worth of heartache, of wanting and not having, of trying to forget and give up, of hoping he was over it right until the moment he would catch sight of Even, or talk to him about something, and then it would be back, and Even, damn Even, he just would not leave him alone. 

It’s just that Even doesn’t yell back, or try to talk over him, or leave Isak to stew in his own rage, or even throw him the nasty, contemptuous look Isak knows he deserves. In fact, Even doesn’t even look at Isak. He just sits there, eyes lowered to the floor, back painfully straight, and… No. No. Really, no.

This is not what Isak wants.

He feels his anger dissipate. Instantaneously. 

“I— Listen, I’m sorry, Even.” He wipes at his face. “I didn’t meant to—I just—I didn’t—” He really needs to start speaking in full sentences, but the way he feels right now, it might not be a possibility for a while. “I’m so sorry—” 

Even swallows loudly. “I know. I didn’t mean to lie, Isak. It’s just. You said we should act like it never happened.”

_ Fuck. Of course. _

Isak starts to shiver. And in a way, he doesn’t know where it all comes from, when he speaks up again. “I’m so sorry, Even. It’s just that… I could have lost you,” he stutters. He shuts his eyes, and all he can see, is Even lying on the ground, lifeless. “I could have lost everything, not knowing anything about what we had. What we have.”

###  **18\. Isak: That day (August, 2019)**

Isak is gaming in his room when there’s a knock on his front door. He doesn’t even hesitate before bouncing down the stairs to open it. He’s bored out of his mind. He’ll take almost any company he can get. Lucky for him it’s Even standing on the other side of his door. 

Even’s hands are stuffed into the pockets of his jeans as he stares at Isak. Isak is a little confused by how nervous he looks. That look paired with Even’s soft looking blue hoodie has him looking far too adorable.

“Hey, Even. Did you want to come in?”

Even shakes his head, shifting nervously on his feet. “No. I just wondered if you wanna come with me.”

Isak shrugs, “Sure. Whatever bro. I’m just gonna fetch my keys” 

He laughs to himself when he hears Even mutter a quiet, “Don’t call me bro.”

Isak grabs his keys, wallet and phone just in case and returns to the door. 

“I thought we could go bicycle riding,” Even mutters. 

Isak frowns. “Bicycle riding?” 

“Yeah. The weather is nice. Thought it could be nice.”

Ugh. Isak loves to work out, but he’s not a big fan of hiking or bicycling. But there’s something almost pleading in Even’s eyes and he can’t say no. 

“Sure.” He locks the door and wonders how long it is since he took a bike ride. Ah well. Maybe this can be a good idea, after all. He really won’t mind spending time with Even on his own. 

They get on their bikes and Isak follows Even as he drives down the street, and Isak is muttering under his breath about stupid bikes. Even just laughs. He seems to be leading them along a well known path. 

Sure enough, Isak quickly discovers that it’s where they took a bike ride three years ago. 

Big bats are fluttering around inside Isak’s stomach. “Dude,” he says, eyeing their surroundings nervously. "I thought we were past the whole breaking into swimming pools phase."

Even just smiles and tells him to wait and see. Isak tries. He follows Even in silence. For all of two minutes and then he’s opening his mouth again. “Seriously. Where are we going?”

“Just be patient,” Even sighs. “I just wanted us to do something together, you know.”

“That’s nice,” Isak breathes. He dares a quick look at Even.  Even is just... extremely hot. The way his too-tight-shirt clings to his skin, the way the skinny jeans hang on his ass perfectly, and fall just low enough to show a little skin whenever his shirt rides up.

Isak blinks, and notices the picnic basket on Even’s bike. This is… really confusing. The further they get, the more nervous Isak becomes. His mind is coming up with a million different reasons Even could be bringing him here. The reasons range from doing something reckless to… kissing. Or sex. 

_ Fuck _ . Not likely. That’s been out of the picture for a long time. What’s going on? 

“What is all this?” Isak asks. He notices that they’re approaching the house with the pool. So yeah. This is really happening.

Even looks at Isak, an unreadable expression on his face. “It’s where we first kissed.”

Isak remembers that evening clearly. He’d been simultaneously scared and aroused, a feeling that became all too common where Even was concerned. At least until he got to know Even. Now he’s just hopelessly in love with the guy.

“I remember,”Isak says, smiling. But why? What is going on? Isak is so wrapped up in his thoughts that he doesn’t pay that much attention to their surroundings. 

Then he hears a horn, and brakes squeaking. 

Then Even is suddenly there, pushing him off the road. 

_ What the fuck? _ Isak’s bicycle is wiggling. “Even, what the hell are you doing?”

Even doesn’t answer. The car hits Even in slow motion, and he flies up in the air, with the basket and the bike following. 

Just as Even hits the ground, Isak can feel something flood him.  _ Warmth, care, so much care, worry, fear. _ It stretches and rips between them. 

Then everything is silent. 

###  **19\. Even: Now (August, 2019)**

_ Do you mean why you never told me that we were soulmates and practically... married? _

Even blinks, and blinks again. Isak’s question keeps hanging in the air between them. 

_ It’s not my fault _ , Even wants to tell him. He never chose this. He was born with it. He didn’t choose to be Isak’s soulmate.

Even can swear that he hears Isak’s breath catch in his throat when he tells the truth:  _ You said we should act like it had not happened. _

Even bites his lips, avoiding Isak’s eyes by staring at the wall. _I could have lost everything, not knowing anything about what we had._

Isak’s voice sounds strangled, but Even can’t bring himself to look at him. He doesn’t want to see the angry look in his eyes.

Even can’t really take it in. Isak sounds so remorseful. 

But then he sees it. How would he feel if Isak was the one being hit by the car? If Even was the one not knowing about the bond, at all? He shivers. 

“I’m… sorry,” he says, feeling inadequate. But then, it hits him. What choice did he have? Isak did tell him to forget it all! “I actually can’t believe that you’re asking why I kept this from you, Isak. After I heard you, countless times, repeating that you hated the idea of soulmates, that you hated what it represented, and that you hated the person being your soulmate?”

Even’s hands are shaking, and he doesn’t know if it’s because of frustration or something else. “You had made yourself pretty clear, Isak. That you never wanted to meet your soulmate. So what choice did I have? What choice did I have but to put up a wall and keep it to myself? So what was I supposed to do?! Tell you?! So that you’d reject me?!”

The groan that escapes Isak’s throat makes Even stop, and look at him. At the way his lower lip is trembling, the way his breath is coming out sharp and fast. The way his eyes are looking both lost and devastated. Like he’s been gutted. Like he’s found half his soul, only to lose it half a second later.

Like Even had felt, every time Isak made it clear that he didn’t want to meet his soulmate.

“I—You seemed… horrified, and almost disgusted,” Isak explains. “I don’t know. You looked like you had just made the worst mistake of your life, and I… I panicked. So I wanted to pretend that it had never happened.”

“Isak—”

“I’m not—This is not— I’m sorry.” It’s like Isak deflates. “What I said… This is all on me. And I’m so sorry. It’s not like I didn’t know what I did. I thought long and hard about what would happen if, when you’d remember, and I knew that you would…yeah. I knew, and I still—” he shakes his head “—I couldn’t help myself.”

Even swallows, knowing that Isak speaks the truth. “You asked if it was… weird. When I could not remember.”

Isak looks at him, puzzled.

“I said it was easy, and that’s true. There was little difference between how I felt for you right then, compared to my last memories from before.”

Isak blinks and looks like he tries to get what Even is saying.

Even shrugs. “I never questioned the bond, because it felt right. Believable.”

Isak steps closer but Even leans back. He needs to say this. “I think of you constantly, Isak,” he admits. 

“Well, the bond—”

“No. Before, too. I’ve been thinking about you from the first day I saw you.”

“Even—” 

“And I could feel the bond form. I wasn’t horrified, I just was so afraid that you would disown me, or tell me to remove the bond, or something.” 

Isak swallows. “I would never do that! Shit. You know that by now, right?”

Even finally looks Isak in the eyes. 

Isak’s eyes are so green, so green, and the guilt and worry in them can’t hide the care. 

Even releases a shaky breath. “Yeah, I know that now.”

###  **20\. Even: That day (August, 2019)**

Even thinks that the bicycle date is a great idea. Finally they will be able to spend some time together. And they can visit the place they first kissed. It’s perfect. 

As he wakes up that morning, he pushes away the sticky feeling from a horrible nightmare. He had lost Isak. No matter how hard he held, Isak slipped out of his fingers. 

It’s only a dream. 

Even packs a picnic basket and goes over to Isak’s house. When Isak says yes, Even struggles to contain his relief. 

He makes sure that his wall is up, though. No need for Isak to feel just how relieved he is. 

Isak complains and asks him a thousand questions as they ride their bikes, and maybe that’s why Even doesn’t notice the danger before it happens. A car has lost control, and is heading straight for Isak. 

_ No, no, no, that can’t happen _ . It’s like Isak is slipping out of his fingers again, just like in his dream. 

Even acts before he can think; turning his bike and pushing Isak out of the way. 

When the car hits him, everything slows down and speeds up at the same time, and he only manages to think. “ _ That’s it, then. Always thought my life was a tragedy.”  _

Then he hits the ground. “ _ I’m sorry _ ,” he wants to say to Isak, but he doesn’t think it comes out. The pain makes everything blurry, and he can’t hold up his wall any longer. 

The warmth of Isak and of their bond washes over him for just a moment, before everything disappears. 

###  **21\. Isak and Even: Now (August, 2019)**

“I’ve been thinking about you since the first day I saw you, too,” Isak admits. He can feel the bond stretching between them, and opening up, and it makes him dizzy. “Fuck, you have no idea.”

Even looks at him over the kitchen table, smiling. Feeling dizzy, too. “Yeah?” Even’s heart is beating like a drum, and he can feel how Isak is in his mind, curling up against him. They are sharing almost everything, now. Which feels very right.

“Yeah.” Isak smiles a shaky smile. He can’t really believe this. He’s allowed to keep this. He wants it, and Even wants it. They both do, and he can feel it. 

Isak can almost not believe that he used to hate everything about soulmates right now. He strokes his hand carefully through Even’s hair. “So you were really afraid I’d force you to get rid of the bond?” 

Even looks him in the eyes, feeling sadness as he hears Isak’s words. “I’m sorry.”

Isak shakes his head. “I’m not. I’m not sorry, not really— I mean, I wish you didn’t have to get hurt, but... The bond is… I cannot be sorry. Even, you must feel it. You have to know—”

“I do. I do know.” Even smiles. He can feel it now, how much Isak cares, and how Even’s amnesia almost helped him.

He suddenly realises that Isak might pick up things now, things that Even has managed to hide from him, like his reasons to keep his different worlds separate. Or the darker part of his mind. Surprisingly, the thought doesn’t scare him. He can feel how Isak loves him, no matter what. Just like Even loves him.

They kiss, and Even isn’t sure who kisses the other first. All he can focus on, is the way Isak’s lips feel against his, so sweet. The way Isak feels against him, skin heated under Even’s touch. 

Isak thinks, he’s actually almost sure, that it’s Even who pulls him closer, so that there is nothing, not even air between them. At the same time the emptiness in his head becomes full, and warm, and  _ yes _ . 

_ Perfect.  _

They end up in Isak’s room. Biting kisses and loud moans echo in the room, their feelings mixing together.  Every kiss has a raw intensity - breathing fast, heart rates faster. They become one, one mind with one goal and purpose, each utterly drunk with love for the other.

Isak can see his own lust mirrored in Even’s eyes. He can feel it too. Isak feels lust and love, and Even’s emotions swirl through him and mix with his own. He closes his eyes as their fingers entwine and sigh.

Even is straddling Isak and kissing him and burying his hands in his hair.  Even kisses from Isak’s chest to his stomach, his hands light over Isak’s skin.  Even can feel  _ everything _ . Isak loves him with his eyes as much as his body, their souls mingling in the quiet moments between action and stillness. 

Isak is rock hard, and he can feel Even’s dick throbbing against him, too. Isak makes a strange sound, as he kisses, and pulls and tries to be as close to Even as possible. It feels so good. As Even grinds against him, he can’t help thrusting against Even. Warmth, pleasure and want from both of them is filling him up. And he wants so much more. They both want more. Isak knows. He can feel it.

Even leans back then, opens Isak’s zipper and let his hand slide into his jeans. Isak’s sensations of relief and lust makes Even gasp. Even’s hands are shivering. 

“Oh, Even…” Isak mutters, wrecked as Even somehow manages to set his cock free and rub it slowly. It feels amazing.

“Is this okay?” Even asks, and, hell yeah, it is, it’s wild, feeling Even's lips against his own, his hot body over him and his hand around his dick.

“Yeah…” Isak moans.

“Yeah, it’s good, isn’t it,” Even mumbles. He can feel it too. He can feel everything Isak feels.

Isak breathes heavily as Even strokes him. He pulls down Even’s pants and pulls him closer and another wave of heat, want and need floods over him. He lets out a shaky breath, the sound of it releasing a fresh burst of desperation in Even. Their reactions are feeding each other, Isak realizes. They react to both each other’s emotions and physical responses.

Then, before Isak really knows how it happens they are naked and their skin is moving softly together.  And Isak’s mind goes blank and his hands run over Even’s chest and arms and pull at his hair. 

Even feels a sudden need to feel Isak inside, and then he feels Isak reach down between his legs. And Even realizes that _Isak knows_, he knows what Even needs, and what he wants.

Isak presses his fingers into Even and Even’s longing bursts like a silent firework in Isak’s own body. He 's licking Even’s mouth and using his fingers all at once, watching Even’s reaction, feeling how his legs move, watching his body writhe. 

Their tongues are entwined in a kiss, and then Isak's inside of Even, changing his breathing with every thrust, hearing Even’s moans timed to his body. 

Even lets out a low groan, unable to articulate anything, but Isak knows what he needs, and fucks him harder.

Even moans as he meets Isak’s movements. His entire body quivers with mind blowing pleasure. Their eyes remain locked together. Even’s dilated eyes never leaving Isak`s even once. “Isak... baby.” 

“Even,” Isak chokes, bucking his hips, feeling Even’s arousal increase with every second, too. Even’s breathing is coming in short bursts and everything in him is blank but for the focused desire for heat and  _ more, more, more. _

Even feels caught between the intoxication of the climax and extending a moment he never wants to end. It’s hard to hold back, to make the moment last. 

Isak’s body shivers because Even is on edge, almost frantic with it. Raw whimpers spill from Isak as he’s about to come. And then he feels it…  _ Want, heat, bliss _ a mix of feelings so overwhelmingly intense it renders him breathless. 

Isak loses all coherent thought as he comes into the condom inside of Even, shivering and moaning, and thrusting into him. He blinks, kisses Even again and strokes Even’s dick harder. Even moans and thrusts into Isak’s hand and… comes, right then and there. All over Isak’s hand. Moaning Isak’s name. Isak gasps as he feels Even’s overwhelming sensations of bliss.

“Oh my God,” Even gasps.

“Yeah,” Isak responds, breathing heavily.

Even rests his forehead on Isak’s. “You okay?” he whispers, and leans back to watch him.

Isak swallows and smiles. “Yeah.” He wants to say more, like how happy he is. But maybe he doesn’t need to. 

“Yeah. Me too.” 

_ Yeah.  _ Everything is good.

Everything is Isak and Even.  _ Together _ . 

Isak clings onto Even,  and buries his face in the hollow of Even’s throat, a smile bubbling out of him and into Even’s skin. “I can’t fucking believe you needed to get amnesia for this to happen.”

Even’s amusement, mixed with happiness and relief, is scalding in Isak’s head. 

Even smiles into Isak’s warm skin, feeling so content and happy. “Well, I did plan that date. I didn’t really  _ need  _ to get the amnesia.”

“Hah. True.” Isak smiles. Even’s breath is warm on his temple. “I forgot to ask, but. What were you planning with that bike ride?”

Even can’t stop his smile from growing on his face. “You know.”

“Yeah. I know.” Isak doesn’t have to prod the bond to know that. “You planned a date with me. By the pool.”

“I sure did. I had even asked my aunt to borrow it. And I brought cheese toasties. And cardamom.”

Isak laughs. “Wow. That was a great idea, Even. You would really have surprised me.”

“Good. I wanted to surprise you.”

Isak smiles, running his thumb down Even’s cheek. “You could have just asked me out, you know.”

Even shrugs, a shy smile spreading across his face. “I speak more with actions than words.”

Isak smirks, “Oh I know. I’m counting on it. You can show me just how much again later.”

“Again?” Even laughs, and leans in, running his nose along Isak’ neck up to his ear, his voice low and gravely when he speaks.  “I can do that,” he smiles a slow smile. “I’m sorry my date didn’t go as planned, though.”

“Ha. That’s an understatement.” Isak stares at him. “Are you okay now? You remember everything?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

Isak places a slow, lingering kiss to Even’s lips before pulling back. 

This is it. Years, all those nights, and days, and spending times together, and this is it. Finally.  This is so good.  Nothing has ever felt so right.

Except maybe the next morning, when they smile at each other, and Even is still soft with sleep, and Isak is warm and cozy, and the bond stretches between them. Isak gets to feel the pleasure from Even’s long fingers and warm mouth, and then they make a big breakfast.

“We should go on another bicycle ride,” Isak mumbles, as they sit down to eat. “You owe me one.”

Even’s heart aches. “You sure?”

“Yeah. It’s probably good to face our fears and all that.”

“True.”

Isak leans closer and cups Even’s face in both his hands. “Also, the bond just kind of happened, and that’s fine, but.” He licks gently at Even’s mouth. “I wish I had known. While it happened. I wish I could have, I don’t know, felt it, chosen it, savored it, and maybe if we—” 

“Yeah. We can make something special out of it. Also, we can kiss in the pool.”

“Yeah, and that. We can kiss in the pool.”

“Okay, then. Let’s have another bicycle date,” Even says. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I’ll call my aunt.”

They kiss again, and happiness fills the bond between them and wraps them in warmth.

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the LLF Comment Project, which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. 
> 
> First of all, don’t feel obliged to comment. If you don’t feel like commenting, that’s fine! I just wanna say that I invite and appreciate all kinds of feedback, including:
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions, including questions about plot and ideas
>   * Constructive criticism. If you ever want to concrit, don’t hold back in your comments on AO3 or here on Tumblr. Btw you can find me on Tumblr as [hjertetssunnegalskap1](https://hjertetssunnegalskap1.tumblr.com/) and on Instagram as [hjertetssunnegalskap](https://www.instagram.com/hjertetssunnegalskap/)
>   * You don’t have to write a lot, you can type “<3” or ❤ as extra kudos
>   * or whatever emoji you like, really
>   * Reader-reader interaction, that means that if you feel like commenting other comments, that’s just great!
> 
> LLF Comment Builder  
This author replies to comments. If I miss a comment, that’s most likely a mistake. I invite and appreciate feedback at all times/ any time you read it. Some comments on my old fics have really made my day.
> 
> If you don’t want a reply, for any reason (sometimes I feel shy when I’m reading and not up to starting a conversation, for example), feel free to sign your comment with “whisper” and I will appreciate it but not respond!


End file.
